What is true pain? To me, it is the feeling of having your heart ripped apart inside you, but not by your enemies but rather those who one holds dear…
Your enemies aim to hurt you but friends you hold dear. You help and protect them, some prove to be true friends while others leave with time… However when one you hold so dear gives you pain that surpasses any friendship would you still consider them your true friends?
Pain is something one endures for themselves and loved ones. There are times when the closest to us causes such pain but we willingly take it for the sake of our friendship. However when there is nothing but pain and empty promises left to you by such a friend, no matter how much you cherish that friend you to have a limit. My tolerance for such a friend was great that though i stayed by her side through thick or thin, all i received in return now are merely empty promises and a taste of sheer sorrow and betrayal.
Though this has happened before with her, forgiveness was given and even love… parting was a forced hand by fate for times were difficult. A promise was made, a promise to wait. however later i suspected another and was recently confirmed. No notice or warning or even a conversation was made. Every promise to communicate was empty. Confusion ruled my mind with a deep planted seed of sorrow and pain. When at last it was confirmed, my pain grew and ripped apart my heart, with even more ferocity than it was before. She has ripped out my heart once upon a time and though i was made to believe that she truly loved me and it was fate that forced our break up. Now I am not so sure… No longer am I certain of who she has become, or who she is anymore.
My pain that i have tolerated for her because of our friendship and even love for her, is greater and has been getting stronger still, fed by broken promises and now even lies. Certain I am now, that her regard for me and our friendship was never so great. That I have made myself believe, in my naivety, our friendship was so great. An illusion I have lived, and a fool i have been proven to be to have been so blind for thinking that i have found a soulmate. One that I believed was destined to meet and stand beside as either friend or lover throughout the test of time… Now i know that such was merely a dream. Never meant to last… What choice have I now? Do i continue to endure such pain? Such torture that rips apart my heart… Do i endure as i have been enduring such pain for years, and years more? Or do i sever ties, no longer to be called friend… No longer to protect and hold dear such wonderful memories…
I have lost, for which ever i choose there is only pain that shall be left to me. To endure shall cause great pain that may leave me numb to love, to life… to sever too shall create a void in my soul that i must suffer a loss of such a friend that in time, though long may heal. I am exhausted, no longer do i have the strength to endure such pain…
I ask those that may read my blog to share their opinions and if any words of advice for one with less wisdom on how to engage such a problem. My thanks to those who reply, and my apologies for the trouble and time that may have been used…
